The U.S. Surgeon General’s recent advisory has brought national attention to something our clinicians have been concerned about in our own community: parental stress has become an “urgent public health issue.”

The 35-page report identifies that a whopping 41% of parents in the U.S. say that most days they are “so stressed they can’t function,” and that 48% say their stress is “completely overwhelming,” writes U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy. The world has been reshaped at a dizzying pace by technological and economic forces, and “the stresses parents and caregivers have today are being passed to children in direct and indirect ways.”

The report states that “throughout their lifespan, parents and caregivers often face heightened stressors, including financial strain and economic instability, time demands, concerns over children’s health and safety, parental isolation and loneliness, difficulty managing technology and social media, and cultural pressures.” This is of course on top of the common demands of parenting like rearing children throughout their various stages of life, managing a household, caring for aging parents, and managing employment, marriages, adult friendships and more.

On the Local Level

As the Clinical Director of the Horwitz-Zusman Child & Family Center (H-Z), Sherri Cauthen, LCSW, RPT-S, has witnessed a steady increase of parental stress.

“It’s been evident to us here for some time, but to see that the Surgeon General has named it and put it on the national stage brought a sense of urgency,” she said. “This is really affecting everyone, not just our community.”

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when parental stress hit fever pitch, but Sherri’s observations line up with the Surgeon General’s report.

“The families we work with are dealing with the ramifications of the pandemic,” she said, “but also inflation, unemployment, children’s mental health issues, and family issues like separation and divorce. Multiple layers of stress are compounding from one part of life to the other for an extended period of time: it’s like a snowball.”

Cari Newman, Parent Coach with H-Z, says that all the stress in the foreground is compounded by the background noise parents are hearing, namely from social media.

“When we see other people’s ‘highlight reel,’ we think that’s their ‘normal,’” said Cari. “This often leads to parents thinking that something is wrong with them or with their kids. On top of that, there is so much information about how to raise kids, and all of it is contradictory! Parents are now struggling to have an internal compass because there is constant input.”

Even if a parent does not personally use social media, the impact is still there.

“Things are completely different now than in previous generations, and parents are navigating uncharted territory,” said Cari. “There are so many loud voices claiming that there is one ‘right’ way to parent; my work is helping parents be in touch with their own kids and centering that relationship, rather than everyone else’s expectations.”

Ultimately, Cari advises that three things will help parents navigate these times: knowing what your priorities are, finding your people, and treating yourself with care. Much of the work Cari does with families focuses on helping them identify their unique priorities with confidence.

“Everything can’t be important, and modern parenting requires you to make choices based on your priorities-knowing that every ‘yes’ means a ‘no’ to something else — and letting the rest go,” she explained.

When it comes to combatting parental isolation and loneliness, “a big part of this is finding your people in a community or a coach who can help you,” said Cari. “Many clients say that I normalize their experience for them when they feel so abnormal most of the time. So many people feel judged, and kindness and community go a long way.” There are also plans to bring parent groups to H-Z in the near future which will provide a place for parents to connect.

As far as treating yourself with compassion, Cari is quick to point out that no one should expect to be at 100% capacity all the time and stresses the importance of self-care. “Parents need to prioritize themselves, alongside prioritizing their children,” says Cari. “If we’re not on our own priority lists, we’re modeling risky behavior for our children; if we want our children to grow up and honor themselves, we must model that, too.”

Self-care for parents often calls for a safe space to talk freely about what they’re experiencing.

“It’s not uncommon for a parent to come in (to H-Z) to get help for their child and then receive services for themselves as well,” said Sherri. “We remind parents all the time: therapy doesn’t mean something is ‘wrong’ with you — it’s a basic human need to have someone to talk to and to process the things that are happening in your life. Mental health is health.”

A Holistic Approach for Families

The holistic approach taken by H-Z means that because our whole team collaborates with one another, they’re able to recognize larger family system issues and work on them, ultimately leading to better results. This approach is echoed by Dr. Murthy in his report, where he shared the importance of “recognizing and understanding family structures…each involves unique dynamics that can present both opportunities and challenges for parents’ and caregivers’ mental health and well-being.”

The H-Z approach is not only effective for the whole family, but it makes the process simple for parents. Rather than having to coordinate with multiple providers, we offer therapy services for kids, adults and couples; full psychoeducational testing; ADHD services; executive function coaching; parent coaching, and more- all under one roof. We offer telehealth when possible, allowing busy parents to meet their own needs without adding another errand to the list. As needs have grown, the H-Z team recently welcomed a Family Navigator to the team. The Family Navigator is similar to a case manager and works with families at no cost to them while providing help with services, connecting them with resources, coordinating with the schools and more.

Ultimately, we are here to help families and lessen stress so parents and caregivers can focus on what Dr. Murthy called the “sacred work” of parenting. “The work of parenting is essential not only for the health of children but also for the health of society,” he wrote. “We know that the well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of their children.”

If you or your family are feeling the pressure, we are here for you: reach out to us directly at the Horwitz-Zusman Child & Family Center for services; tune in to our Focus Workshops, which cover various parenting-related topics; and sign up for our Feel Better Letter, our monthly clinical newsletter on all things mental health.