The holidays give adult children something they may not get often – uninterrupted time with their aging parents. Alongside the joy and togetherness, these visits can also reveal small but important shifts in the parent’s well-being. But how can adult children know what normal aging is, and when they should be concerned?
Debbi Dooley, RN, MS, CDP, has helped countless families through her work as a Geriatric Care Manager (GCM) in her 18 years at JF&CS. Her professional expertise and personal experience have been a balm to stressed families as they navigate the complexity of aging.
Start With Their Baseline
For starters, know that not all changes signal a serious problem. What matters most is whether something is new or different for your parent.
“Everyone has a different baseline,” explains Debbi. “Slowing down with age is normal; what we pay attention to are sudden or unexplained changes.”
For example, finding expired food in a parent’s home can look alarming, but for someone who grew up during the Great Depression and has always saved food, it may fall within their normal habits. On the other hand, if a parent who has always been tidy is suddenly ignoring mail or letting household tasks pile up, that’s something to pay attention to.
Social Engagement: Pulling Back Has a Reason
“As people age, their world naturally gets a little smaller,” explains Debbi, “but if a parent is consistently less engaged socially, that can put them at risk for cognitive decline and depression.”
If your parent seems more withdrawn, the cause might be practical and related to mobility challenges, incontinence, depression, hearing or vision changes, feeling overwhelmed — most of which can be treated or managed. Understanding why the older adult is less engaged can help determine the best kind of support.
Daily Routines and Home Clues
Holiday visits make it easier to notice how your parents are managing everyday life. Look for changes in how they’re maintaining their home. Is there more clutter than normal? Are there potential fall risks? Notice how they’re handling daily tasks like medication, bathing, and meals. Also note unexplained bruises or other physical differences, which can signal medication issues or vision changes.
If your parents are still driving, take a ride with them. A drive can tell you a lot about their hearing, vision, cognition, and more. So can a sudden change in routine, as Debbi shares.
“I remember when my mother stopped watching her favorite TV show, Wheel of Fortune,” recalls Debbi. “It wasn’t like her, so I dug in a little and learned it wasn’t disinterest. She was actually having trouble seeing the TV and using the remote. We went to the doctor and learned she was developing macular degeneration. We were able to treat that, and I got her a simplified remote control. With those adjustments, she was back to watching her favorite show.”
Sudden Cognitive Shifts
If your parent suddenly seems confused, fearful, or agitated, it can cause alarm as potential rapid-onset dementia. But often those changes could also signal delirium, a temporary, treatable condition caused by infection, metabolic changes, dehydration, or medications.
“Families often panic, thinking it’s permanent decline,” Debbi says. “But delirium can improve quickly with the right treatment.”
GCMs are trained to recognize these patterns early and guide families in seeking prompt medical help.
How Geriatric Care Managers Help
Holiday visits can bring new concerns, but you don’t have to interpret these signs alone. GCMs help families understand what they’re seeing without jumping to conclusions or threatening an older adult’s independence. Our GCMs can evaluate subtle changes, identify risks, provide practical next steps, facilitate difficult conversations, help with doctors’ appointments, and so much to help older adults stay safe and connected, while giving adult children clarity and peace of mind.
“Older adults don’t want people taking away their autonomy, and neither do we,” Debbi says. “As GCMs, our client is always the older adult. We help families approach conversations thoughtfully so parents feel supported, not monitored, and we work to keep them as safe and independent as possible.”
Noticing changes is the first step; knowing what they mean, and what to do next, is where we can help. We offer services from a one-hour consultation for $150 all the way to more hands-on, regular involvement.