Each month, our BeWellATL clinicians address a question related to adolescent and teen mental health, submitted by someone in the community. Here’s this month's question:

My middle schooler is feeling burned out with sports and school but doesn’t want to quit his activities. How can I support him while also ensuring he meets his responsibilities and is taking good care of himself?

Signed,
Concerned Mom

This month’s answer:

Life can get so busy and overwhelming! The first step is to validate that your son’s experience is normal, and it makes sense that he is feeling this way. Next step: clarify if your son is overscheduled and doesn’t have adequate time for rest and recuperation, or if he needs help understanding and coping with stress. If he’s overscheduled, help him determine if there are activities that can be phased out. If he loves them all, can they be focused on during different times of the year (winter basketball, summer swim, etc.) rather than all at once? Can you help him prioritize? I know you don’t want to make him quit something that he loves, but we all come to a point where we must determine what we have time for, and what we need to let go of.

If your son is not overscheduled, this is a great opportunity to teach him about stress management. Stress is the neurological and physiological shift that happens in someone’s mind and body when they encounter a stressor. When we interact with stressors, our bodies release a flood of adrenaline, cortisol and glycogen; our blood pressure increases, we start to sweat, our digestion slows, and our brains shift cognition into the here-and-now to solve the immediate threat.

Research* shows that the problem is not so much the stressors we encounter, it’s how we get stuck in the stress cycle. Here’s a metaphor that can help him understand: imagine you’re in the forest and encounter a mountain lion. Immediately, your body goes into a stress response and becomes flooded with hormones, sweat and panic. There are two outcomes: you get eaten by the mountain lion, or you manage to escape it.

If you escape the mountain lion, you will likely still feel “on edge” because your mind and body still need to close the stress cycle. Our modern “mountain lions” are often things that may not put us in life-threatening danger—like big tests at school, playoff games or relationship troubles—but they feel the same to our bodies. Help your son identify his own “mountain lions,” and from there, you can talk about closing the stress cycle. Here are seven scientifically proven methods that will close the cycle and get him back to a state of calm:

1. Physical Activity is the most effective way for most people to complete the stress cycle, because it digests the stress hormones and resets the brain. Try to get between 20 and 60 minutes of exercise most days, since we experience stress most days. This can include slow stretching and walking, too—anything to get moving!

2. Breathing Mindfully allows our body to metabolize emotions. A simple method for this is box breathing, also known as 4x4 or square breathing: inhale through your nose for four counts, hold your breath for four counts, exhale out of your mouth for four, and hold your breath again for four. Repeat for two minutes.

3. Positive Social Interactions make us feel safe. This can be as simple as interacting with a barista or calling a friend.

4. Laughter promotes a sense of ease. Watch a funny movie or a comedy special, or laugh with a friend.

5. Physical Affection allows our body to feel safe. This can be as simple as hugging a loved one for an extended period of time until you begin to feel relaxed.

6. Crying is a physiological release of stress hormones. Note that this doesn’t have to be crying about the stressor, but the act of crying itself. Put on sad music or a tearjerker of a movie and let it out!

7. Creative Expression helps process our emotions. Try writing, painting, drawing, cooking, or crafting.

Help your son think of ways to implement some of the above into his life habitually, not just when he’s feeling stressed. If we do not complete the stress that’s activated during the day, our bodies will experience the toll: because stress is a physiological and neurological shift, it affects every part of our body including sleeping, eating, hormones, and more. But not to worry, because stress is normal, and our bodies have the tools to handle it!

Your son is brave to ask for help. Building knowledge and good habits around stress management as a young person will pay off in a myriad of ways when he’s an adult, including helping him avoid burnout. Embrace and utilize this as another way to strengthen the bond you have with him. Good luck!

Sincerely,

Our BeWellATL Clinicians

We’re here to help young people build the foundation for a lifetime of good mental health. Click here to get in touch with the Horwitz-Zusman Child & Family Center, and learn more about our BeWellATL initiative here.

Want to submit your own question to our experts? Email bewellatl@jfcsatl.org

*Resources from the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Drs. Emily and Amelia Nagoski