We’re excited to announce our new blog series, Ask the Experts! Stay tuned here on our blog or subscribe to our monthly clinical newsletter, the Feel Better Letter, to hear advice from our skilled clinicians on all your mental health questions.

This month’s question:

Recently, I’ve been noticing that my middle school child has been left out of their friend group, they aren’t getting invited to as many birthday parties as they used to, they aren’t telling me about friends, and they haven’t had any friends over in a while. I don’t know how to fix this for them. Please help!

Sincerely,

Middle Schooler Mom

This month’s answer:

Dear MSM,

I’m sorry to hear your child is going through that! Being left out can be very difficult, especially during middle school when friendships and social interactions are so important. Here are some approaches to help support your child:

1. Open the Conversation:

• Start by creating a safe space for your child to talk about their feelings.
• Use open-ended questions, like “How are things going with your friends at school?” or “What’s been happening during recess or lunch lately?”
• Let them share at their own pace and listen without jumping in too quickly with advice or solutions.

2. Validate Their Feelings:

• Acknowledge that being left out is painful and can feel very lonely. Let them know their feelings are valid.
• Avoid minimizing the situation or saying things like, “It’s not a big deal.” Instead, say, “I understand how hurtful that must feel.”

3. Help Identify Positive Friendships:

• Encourage them to think about classmates or peers who have shown kindness or shared interests.
• Help them explore ways to connect with these kids, like inviting someone over or suggesting they work together on a class project.

4. Discuss Ways to Build Social Skills:

• Role-play some scenarios where they might approach others or join in on a group activity.
• Help them practice active listening and showing interest in others, which can help build connections.

5. Explore Extracurricular Activities:

• Finding clubs, sports, or activities they enjoy can be a great way to meet new friends with similar interests.
• Encourage them to try something new, even if it feels a little intimidating at first.

6. Remind Them of Their Strengths:

• Point out their unique qualities and remind them of times when they’ve been a good friend to others.
• Reinforcing their self-worth can help them feel more confident as they navigate social situations.

7. Help Develop Resilience and Coping Skills:

• Teach them healthy ways to cope with the emotions that come with being left out, like journaling, talking to someone they trust, or engaging in a hobby they enjoy.
• Emphasize that friendship dynamics can change over time and that this situation is temporary.

8. Consider Talking to School Staff if Needed:

• If the exclusion becomes more severe or involves bullying, it might be worth reaching out to a teacher, counselor, or principal.

School staff can help monitor interactions and sometimes facilitate peer support programs.

It’s heartbreaking to see your child going through this, but with your support, they can learn valuable skills to navigate challenging social dynamics. It’s all about helping them build resilience, find their own path to connections, and know they’re not alone.