Each month, our BeWellATL clinicians address a question related to adolescent and teen mental health, submitted by someone in the community. Here’s this month's question:
Dear Experts,
My teen is starting to go to parties. I’m not trying to be a helicopter mom—I want her to have fun with her friends, but I also worry about drugs, alcohol and more. How can I help keep her safe?
Signed,
Nervous Mom
This months answer:
Hi Nervous Mom,
Fostering your teen’s independence while also fulfilling your parental duty to protect is definitely a balance. As you think about your approach, we encourage you to be proactive when discussing the risks of drugs, alcohol and more. Don’t sit down for a lecture, but have smaller, more frequent conversations, and remember you can validate your teen’s feelings without agreeing with them. Ask open questions, be aware of your own tone and body language, and avoid blame, shame and judgment.
You can also partner with your teen and be a quiet ally without embarrassing them. Work with your teen to choose a code word, emoji, or phrase ahead of time that they can text you if they’re in an uncomfortable situation, and a stock response you can give to determine if they need you to intervene. Role play the situation:
- Teen sends you the code word via text
- You call with the predetermined phrase “Uncle Bob has taken a turn for the worse”
- Your teen says aloud, “Uncle Bob has taken a turn? Fine, I guess if you need to pick me up, you can.”
This sets you up to be the “bad guy” or scapegoat and frees up your teen to ask for help without embarrassment.
Here are some other talking points to help your teen understand how to be safe at parties:
- Make sure you know, trust and like the people around you
- Use the buddy system
- Never leave with someone you just met
- Never let your buddy leave with someone they just met
- Make a plan for who to call in case of a problem
- Have Narcan on hand
- Don’t put your drink down, or ask anyone to hold it
- If you put your drink down, abandon it and get a new one
- Encourage your teen to make you, the parent, the “bad guy” if needed to get out of a tough situation
For a more in-depth look at this topic, check out our past Focus Workshop. Do you have a question? Submit to marketing@jfcsatl.org with the subject line “Ask the Experts.” To connect with our clinical services, click here, and for more on teen mental health, explore our BeWellATL initiative.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this column is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as professional or mental health advice. If you are seeking mental health support or have concerns, please consult a qualified professional. The opinions expressed are those of the author and do not substitute for personalized guidance tailored to your specific situation.