Each month, our BeWellATL clinicians address a question related to adolescent and teen mental health, submitted by someone in the community. Here’s this month's question:
Dear Experts,
What do you advise when finding cigarettes in a ninth grader's room?
Signed,
Concerned Dad
This months answer:
Dear Concerned Dad,
This is a really hard situation, and before answering, we want to say that this is not a reflection on you as a parent. A lot of parents wonder, ‘how did this happen, how did my child get sucked in?’ Remember that there are billions of dollars spent on ads promoting tobacco and vape pen usage. The psychological pressure to try them is all around us. Fighting against this is very, very tricky.
If your child does not know yet that you found the cigarettes, bring it up directly. If you found them by snooping, you may need to figure out how to address that, but it’s important that they know that you know. You could try something like, “I smell cigarettes on your clothes, I want to have a conversation about that.”
When you talk to your child, try to stay curious and remember: this is not about them getting in trouble, this is about understanding why they are making this choice. Sometimes it's to fit in, sometimes it's to self-medicate; nicotine is both a stimulant and a depressant to our central nervous system, so some smokers are people with ADHD who are trying to self-medicate. Also, find out where they’re getting the money from, and if that means you need to tighten their financial reins, that’s something to consider.
In the end, the best approach is to try and understand what they are experiencing, be really open to their perspective, and gently help them understand why their smoking is so distressing to you, specifically in regard to their long-term health. There’s a great webinar on the JF&CS site about talking to your kids about substance use, with good language for these kinds of conversations. If you need more help, remember BeWellATL and the Horwitz-Zusman Child & Family Center are here for you and your family.
Signed,
The Expert Clinicians of BeWellATL
Do you have a question? Submit to marketing@jfcsatl.org with the subject line “Ask the Experts.”
Disclaimer: The information provided in this column is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as professional or mental health advice. If you are seeking mental health support or have concerns, please consult a qualified professional. The opinions expressed are those of the author and do not substitute for personalized guidance tailored to your specific situation.